I’ve been working the past few days on my first (and probably last) hired web design project. All I can say is - excuse, but - web design sucks dirty balls.¹ Even if browsers had some sort of standard to adhere to (ha!) that standard (might they call it CSS 2.1?) would be woefully inadequate anyway. Vertical centering, anyone? What? Didn’t think of that when you designed the standard? Of course not, who cares about the heights of things in design. Clearly no one.

I’m going to confess, right here for the world to see, a sin I have committed while coding this site. I used PHP to generate CSS depending on the contents of the page. Egads!²

Even if everything were perfectly easy and wonderful, if CSS were great and browsers supported it and Microsoft weren’t evil,³ the people you design for are horrendous. I spent at least an hour on the phone with my client while she had me change the header font color to various different things over and over until she eventually decided that the color I had originally used would be best after all. I had the entire site built the way we had at first discussed, and then when she saw it, she decided that wasn’t what she wanted at all.

She also likes to ask for things that would take such work - oh, I could do it, no question, but do you realize how much work it would take for that fancy little feature you want? No. Of course she doesn’t, but explaining that is difficult because the feature is so simple. At least, as far as the person using it can see.

Add all this to the fact that I have to fight against my every instinct when building the site, because if I am to follow her wishes, then I have to break some pretty fundamental web design rules… What’s a nice way to say, “No. That font is terrible. It does not make you look professional. This is not MySpace.” Or, to make it simpler (and I like simplicity), how can one politely say, “Your ideas are all terrible, and you should just tell me what you want the site to do rather than how you think it should be done, or how you would like it to look.”

All this has been a very enlightening experience. I will continue to learn about web design, but that’s only because I can use it personally, and hiring a person to build and maintain a site can cost thousands of dollars. But by Jesus’ mother, I will not be building any more sites as a job. All of you professional web designers out there are better men than I. Mad, mad props to you all.

1. Rubber ones, people. Like the kind you bounce. [↩]
2. Not the proper use of that word. No. [↩]
3. because corporations have souls [↩]

The neighbor’s dog is barking again. One of them, I mean, since they have about twenty. 8:30 in the fucking morning. This is my yard. I fucking live here. I don’t understand why that goddamn mutt never shuts the fuck up. After so many times of seeing a person in the same damn yard, you would think the stupid piece of shit would learn that I belong here.

I was outside in the first place to take pictures after the rain. Not many good shots since every leaf and blade of grass is covered with flies from all the motherfucking shit that a suburban yard packed with dogs produces.

I’m sick of this shit. I can’t walk outside without hearing those goddamn mongrels barking incessantly at me. I can’t open the door without a dozen flies entering the house. I can’t even open the curtains because if they see me from next door they will bark at me while I’m in my own house. Fuck ‘em. Fuck dogs. Dogs can go to fucking hell. If you own a dog, don’t ever speak to me again. I hate you.

I’m so sick of White Trash, USA. Please Jesus let me out of here.